Thoughts – 7-30-14

Writing about the DC Comics multiverse for Sourcerer really has me thinking about all the possibilities that might be out there. I know I’m guilty of thinking of endless what-ifs, of separate realities where my and my family’s major decisions were different and therefore provided different outcomes. I wonder who I am in those other worlds, if they do indeed exist. Who else thinks about these things a lot? I know I can’t be alone. Let’s converse.

Thoughts – 6-30-14

There is a lot of frustration and guilt associated with being under-employed. You hate that it’s hard to find an extra or full-time job, and you wonder deep down if you’re just being lazy even though you probably aren’t. Doesn’t keep people around you from entertaining the idea from time to time, though.

And you hate yourself on those odd days where regular work lets up and your side projects don’t work out. You stress so much over trying to keep busy, to justify your existence, that you accomplish less of substance than if you had spent the entire day doing something like watching Netflix or playing Skyrim, all of which are holdovers from more prosperous times you feel guilty about for even owning and enjoying.

And, yes, First World problems and check your privilege and other Internet-branded ways of saying fuck you right to your face. True, I’m not in any immediate danger of going hungry, but I still feel useless. I still feel like I’m not living up to some archaic societal standards I don’t fully understand.

I said awhile back I wish adulthood came with an instruction manual. I’ve said that for years and I see myself saying it for years to come. I missed something somewhere along the way and am reaping the whirlwind for it.

I’m not asking for pity or even understanding. Just recognition that this country is full of people, good people, who have worked hard and have very little to show for it. So far, anyway. Two things the world will never take from me are my honor and my hope.

Thoughts – 6-19-14

I don’t get the same things out of reading and writing that other people do. I always seem to be the odd one out in any literary discussion because of my differing interpretations and appreciations of written works.

I still don’t know why it’s a taboo in literary circles to disagree with the majority. I rather enjoy knocking the majority off its high horse. These sensibilities also extend to other media for me.

Thoughts – 6-17-14

I wish that adulthood came with an instruction manual.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you do. I know you do.

Which doesn’t make sense? The world? The status of adulthood? Me?

I’m not afraid of these thoughts. Of thinking these things.

No, those are not the things that worry me in this situation.

Are you worried? Have you thought of these things already?

Have you found any answers?

And whiskey for courage.